July is Bereaved Parents Month.

Here is a picture that came across my feed today that made me cry.

"We may look as if we carry on with our lives as before. We may even have times of joy and happiness. Everything may seem "normal".  But THIS, "emptiness" is how we all feel.... all the time."  Original Artist is Albert Gyorgy - Statue is located at Lake Geneva in Switzerland.

So much truth to this and so much pain behind it.

We went thru the normal routine, doctor visits, blood draws, test after test. 
As the weeks progressed, blood levels were not going up for a growing fetus.
Doctors became concerned. 

Rushed in for ultrasounds and more blood work.   
After the second ultrasound, doctors could not find a heartbeat.

Hearing that this happens all the time. Before you say "every woman has",  I'm not every woman. 

I am me.

The pain of losing a child is unbearable.

Was this a punishment for putting my career before everything else in my life?
Over the months, I sank further and further into depression.

After the miscarriage, I kept thinking of all the women in the world that this has happened to.
 Do they feel the way I feel? How do they pick themselves back up from this? 

Can they recover knowing they have lost a child?

Today Desi Perkins put out a video. She's a makeup influencer who puts out some amazing content.

Once again, sobbed.

She opened up about her journey with miscarriage. I cried right along with her.

It reminded me of the day finding out we were pregnant, the doctor visits and the one that changed my life forever.

I still cry. 

This hurt will never go away.