Pain that I have never felt before.

Cannot put into words the sadness that I have been feeling.

It has been miserable. Not quite sure how I am functioning.

We had to put my little man down last Thursday.

Yoohoo has been a very large part of my life. He has been my partner, road trip warrior, protector, and my baby. While I knew he would never live forever, I sure wanted him to.

Grumpy yet content with how he lived his life. He loved playing with his rope bone, loved being off leash whenever he could. He would bark at anything and everything.

When my brother in law would come over he would yell out “HI YOOHOO” and all you would hear was barking.

Yoohoo loved to bark at Jess when she would run thru the house. That’s only because he just wanted to play with her, but his little body just wouldn’t let him.

If you follow my Instagram stories, you have seen how this is a process. I try to grieve, but the people around me make me feel bad for doing so. At one point, someone said to me “are you over your dog dying yet?” That comment alone made me sink deeper.

Those that have lost a pet certainly understand that empty void.

A piece of you goes when they do. I’ve never experienced such a feeling like this.

My heart is so broken. People say “it’s ok to be sad”, and “this too shall pass”. Sure it does, but for right now… I NEED TO GRIEVE, please let me.

It’s impossible to explain that to someone who just doesn’t understand.

People are not the only ones that suffer the loss. Little Luci does not understand. She looks for him, she barks for him, she waits for him by the door to go outside.

Friday when I returned from work, she was laying in the laundry room where Yoohoo would. When I walk down the hall, she runs down to his kennel and looks for him. Countless times, she has sat in his bed and whined.  She sits in the hallway and barks; she patiently waits for him to bark back. I lose it every single time.

When I washed his blankets, I sat by the wash machine and cried. Not a sob cry, this was a flat out ugly cry.

I miss his smell, I miss how he would smile when you say "wanna go bye bye”. Cooking Sunday night’s dinner was really depressing since he wasn’t at my feet.

A friend sent a book from Cynthia Rylant called Dog Heaven. Had to put it down. Couldn’t stop the tears. Everyone knows Kyle is so stoic, he can and always pulls it together. Even Kyle fell apart reading this book.

You can guess, I’m not sleeping.

All my dreams consist of the look on his face when he passed. He had this look of peace, but dang.. Just to see those big brown eyes and grey face again.

Pet owners know that unconditional love. The look when you get home, the kisses when you bend down to pet them.

You. Will. Miss. It.

 I do. Every moment of it.

He's first to greet you with a bark. He protected us from strangers. Listened to me cry after a bad days, always ready for treats, and loved me for the person I am.

Never judged, just loved.

I know that he will always be with me. A part of my heart. But, I have a Yoohoo shaped hole in my heart.

Vet told us we can pick up his Urn at the end of this week.

We have picked out a special place in the house where he will still be around, watching over us. In the meantime, his collar is wrapped around the handle of my purse.

Miss you sweet boy, Momma loves you.