Sorry it's been a while..

 I know that it has been a while since I have wrote anything. NO excuses, I just did not know what to write to be honest with you. 

The past few months I have spent journaling, segmented thoughts honestly. It’s when something comes to mind, a thought, phrase, feeling that I capture in the moment and write it down or in this case… put into my phone. Many thoughts have been segmented lately.

Just too busy to have time for myself.

So let’s play catch up..

 

My friend Elaine has finished her chemo/radiation for breast cancer 2 weeks ago! Great news!

Work has been so rewarding. I have some great bosses who let me continue my love for all things traffic.

There has been in 2 car accidents since November. One 10 days before Thanksgiving (which totaled my car) and the other happened in February while we were LIVE on the air at KIRO.

I did get hurt, while I maintained composure on the air. Several days later, the doctor diagnosed me with a concussion. There is a care plan in place for me, and I have been following that to a T.

Kiddo’s global reading challenge was a few weeks ago and the team did great! Took 4th place.

Spring break is next week and there is a LOT going on for all of us.

Spent some time with family in Eastern Washington.

And I'm ready for some warmer weather!

 

While it’s been brought up here before, I wanted to touch on something that has been weighing very heavily on my mind.

 

Depression.

 

Friends, you know that I’ve shared struggles with you about my battle. This time of year seems to be the hardest for me for some reason. I have not been able to pull myself up & out of this “Funk”. Not sure if it has something to do with friends/co-workers/life that’s been breaking me down.

Usually I lean on my husband or others for joy, because their joy makes me feel better. It helps me see some “light”.  It’s doesn’t always work so, I read Brene Brown.  She has has ONE POWERFUL message.

Owning my feelings and trying to walk thru them. While this is not a new path for me, this time feels different. Not sure if it is because I’ve shoved it down for so long? Made everyone else’s needs a priority over myself and just neglected what I was feeling?

I don’t have those answers.  The search for them continues.

It’s come down to self care, self preservation for me right now. Being selfish.

I’m ok with that.

This is a new journey of depression that I’m on. Never at anytime have these feelings come over me. While it’s scaring me, it’s forcing me to face these feelings head on. It’s exhausting running away from them, what good does that do?


At a young age, some of us ran from our problems, as an adult some of us still do.  The feeling to confront it, work thru the feeling, understanding & accepting it is extremely rewarding. I’m on that journey now.

While I do have someone to talk to, and a wonderful husband to lean on. I just want you to know that you are not alone in your journey. There is someone always here to help guide you.

 

 

 

Let's get real for a moment...

It's pretty crazy how things can change in a matter of a year.

This time last year, I was depressed. It was a level of depression that I could never explain. You hear it all the time, people talking about how they suffer with depression. Some suffer from seasonal depression, others it's a mental health issue.

For me it was a deep loss of not only myself, but of something that I REALLY wanted.

I'll go into this "something" at another time.

This level of depression came from being stuck. Stuck with feelings and with emotions that I never really knew how to channel, or manage, so to speak.

Depression is real, and it's debilitating.

I was a shell of myself. I was a zombie, just going to work and sleeping.

I thought that falling in line, deeply entrenching myself into work would make things better. It only made things worse. Slowly I was fading away, disconnecting myself from people and things that I loved.  Just going thru the motions of everyday life.  

 If you know anything about me, you know I'm a people pleaser. I want to make everyone around me happy, no matter the cost. Even if it cost me my own happiness.

I kept doing it over and over thinking it would bring me out of this black hole. A hole that I fell deeper & deeper into every minute, of every hour, of every...single... day.. It only made me angry, and the angrier I got, the deeper I fell.

It took some time  to figure things out, removing the toxicity in my life, slowly I was starting to bounce back.

One thing that I learned from all of this, is you CAN lean on the people who love you. If you need help, ask for it.

But most importantly, love yourself. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Make yourself a priority. It's like the saying you can't love or make someone happy if you don't love yourself or are happy with yourself first.

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I know that this is pretty deep, especially for me. It's a topic that is so taboo. Depression is real and some of the people around you are dealing with it.

Reach out to them, check in with them and tell them that you love them.

Those words can really make a difference, I know that they did for me.